The Stupid Couple Series
by FireCracker7
Summary: The most insane, weird and crazy pairings here! Nothing is too strange in the world of Squick Wars.
1. The Ultimate GrossOut

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) Archive? You'd better.  
Pairing YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!!!

A/U - Some people should quit while they're ahead.

The Ultimate Grossout

Two figures twined in a cheap motel room in the seedy section of town. A flashing neon sign illuminated the dingy accomodations, casting the heaving figures in wild shadow. For hours the lovers watched porn before deciding to do it themselves.

"Woo. Faster, faster!!"

"I'm going as fast as I can..."

"Hisou. I'll never get it up at this rate!"

"You haven't gotten it up without a ring for years!!"

"Look who's talking."

"Ugh...aahhh....well I'm not as young as I used to be!"

"It's still too soft..."

"Mmm...that tickles...especially down there."

"Want me to do it again?"

"Yeah...if you can do it in less than three hours this time!"

Grunts and groans. "Better?"

"Yatta! Fits good...nice and tight..."

"Well as tight as it's gonna be at this point..."

Licks and kisses. "On my ass. Don't make me beg!!"

"Dog. You always beg. Haven't I always given it to you?!"

"Your gums feel good."

"It feels even better with my teeth in."

"AOOOO!!!"

"Ssh! You want the people next door to hear?"

"What do they expect for a ten buck dive like this?!"

"Those freckles are getting pretty dark now..."

"You used to like them...AAHH! That hurt!!"

"I haven't even done anything yet!"

"Oh. The anticipation got to me."

"It sure is flopping around."

"I'm dry...get the oil!"

"Stand on your head."

"What the hell for? You know my bad back..."

"So take your pills. If we can get the blood to rush that way..."

"I get it!"

"Now lay there and open up, snookywookums."

"All right, cuddlebuns."

"Mercy, that's good. We should have done this years ago."

"Mmm. Well, it takes a little longer now, but...as long as everything works!"

"Get the whip. Yes! One more time..."

"Eeeee..."

"Aaaaa..."

"Oooo..."

"Do you like my patent leather boots?"

"Nice. Easy to slip on and clean off..."

"Aaa..ikk...easy with the spurs, honeybunch."

"Spank me!!"

"Hai!! Hard!!"

"Again."

"Woo!!"

"MORE!!!"

"Yeehah!!!"

"Ride 'em, cowboy!"

Bed creaks, groans.

"YESSSSSSSSS!!!!"

"Damn, I'm wiped out..."

"Me too...these welts will take a week to go down."

"I'll kiss them and make it all better."

"Hentai..."

"Been doin' this for sixty years..."

"It just gets better and better, doesn't it, stud muffins?"

"Yeah. Sweet dreams, my Gero..."

"Nighty nite, Roshi poo."

THE (Ugh) END 


	2. Bald to the Bone

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) Archive? You'd better.  
Pairing Nappa/Krillen/Chaotzou

A/U -Squick war.

Bald to the Bone

Nappa was forced to take a bath by order of Prince Vegeta. His stench made even relatively close contact all but impossible. The doctors had gotten on him constantly over the years about his personal hygiene, to no avail. Finally under palace guard he was ordered to clean himself.

The hulking saiyan grumbled, slapping at the water. "What's a little dirt?" he mumbled. "It's never killed anyone!"

A smooth head popped above the surface. "But why be dirty when clean's so much more fun?"

Nappa glared. "Who the heck are you?"

A wink. "I'm Krillen. My friend is here with me, too."

"Your friend?"

"Yeah. Look!" Krillen reached down in the water, pulling up a small doll by the head.

Nappa laughed. "HAH. I'm too old to play with toys!!"

Little Chaotzou grinned. "If you use me right I'll make you REAL happy!"

Nappa gave a sick grin. "Oh...OH, I get it!!"

Krillen raised his hand. "We're a set."

Nappa picked him up by the waist. "Yeah...so I see. Let's get started, sparky!" he strapped Krillen to a loofah scrub pad.

"Don't forget the soap!" Krillen giggled as he was dipped in the water.

"I won't, rube" the huge saiyan scrubbed himself wtih Krillen attached to the pad.

"AAHHH. That feels good" he rolled Krillen over his scalp and ass next.

Chaotzou bobbed in the water. "Don't forget ME!"

Nappa tossed Krillen aside with a splash. "Yeah, I know the drill. C'mere, ya little doll!" he reached for Chaotzou.

Krillen untied himself and swam to Nappa's side. "Wait. You'll need me, big guy. Now roll over!"

Nappa nodded, wheezing. "All right, but hurry up! It's been a long time for me, and I'm gettin' impatient!" the huge saiyan flopped over in the shallow water, splattering everywhere.

Krillen climbed on his back carrying Chaotzou. "You want me to use the low or high setting?"

"Go for it" Nappa ordered. "And I don't need no stinking oil!"

Krillen sat on his ass. "Okay...ready, Chaotzou?"

The doll waved a salute. "Fire in the hole!!"

Nappa howled as Krillen shoved his friend in. Krillen held massive ass cheeks tightly as Chatzou did a dance inside the brute. Nappa grunted and groaned, bouncing as the little doll did his thing.

"OOOHH....AHHH...SHIT....!!!"

He exploded, spewing everywhere. Soon the tub overflowed...

"Chaotzou, get out of there!!" Krillen yelled pulling his friend out with a POP!

The doll licked his lips. "Geez, Krillen. I was having so much FUN!"

Nappa kept on going, pulling himself. "GUHH....UGH....OEEE!!!" the crude behemoth yanked his ugly shaft.

Soon the bathroom flooded. Krillen and Chatzou 'caught the wave' and were washed away. The white flood crashed through the door and careened through the palace, knocking down marble pillars and bringing the house down. Everywhere panicked saiyans ran from the calamity, screaming "KINGDOM COME!!!"

And that is the true story of the demise of Vegetaseii...

THE END 


	3. Please be Brief

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) Archive? You'd better.  
Pairing: Ancient

A/U - No fool like an old fool...

Please be BRIEF

Several party people gathered at the birthday party for Dr. Briefs. The friends rented a private hotel room, and each of them wore their own costume. Dr. Gero had on his favorite bunny suit with open flaps. Kami wore his candy underwear and lace bra. Master Roshi sported his red vinyl dungeon gear with spikes and bitch boots.

The longtime acquaintances and sometimes rivals always did things differently, and the party was no exception. A giant cake was rolled into the room by a bellhop. A bellhop who ran like hell without even bothering for a tip.

Roshi wiggled over to the cake and sang an off key song before making an announcement.

"Now all you old freaks in here...raise your hands...PARTY IN DA HOUSE!!"

"PARTY IN DA HOUUUUSEEE!!" they all chanted.

Roshi slapped his ass and pimped back and forth on his heels. "I'm just too sexy for my looks..."

Kami looked him over. "I must say that red plastic looks good with your white chest hairs!"

"Ooh, OOH!! Let me braid your beard and dye it orange, fuzzywuzzy" Gero waved his wrists limply.

Roshi posed against the cake, kicking up a leg. "You don't think it would be too outrageous, snooky?"

"Of course not, pumpkin. Orange is the rage this year!"

Kami licked his cracked lips. "Let's get to the cake! I'm hungry enough to eat wrinkles!"

Roshi leaned against the cake and threw his head back. "Who's in there? Come out, come out, wherever you are!!"

A sudden explosion of cake and icing revealed...Dr. Briefs!

"TA DAA!! Oh, you sweeties...it is to die for...I'm a stranger in paradise...take me away on wind and song...heaven is just a phone call away!"

The good doctor struck an elegant pose in his gold lame mini skirt and derby with matching glamour gloves.

Gero clapped in appreciation. "Oh, delicious! Now we get to the good part..." he jumped up and down, his bunny flap falling down again.

Briefs stood in the center of the room while old tired tongues licked cake from his withered body. The sensations made him so happy he hummed.

Kami nibbled cake from the doctor's bare feet. "I suppose I'll lose my shape now. Cake is just LOADED with calories!"

Roshi suckled icing from Brief's crotch. "Don't worry about it, my crinkled pea...we'll find some way to work it off!"

Gero got a sampler dessert from the crack of Brief's ass. A marashino cherry rolled down the bony back.

The old pervert crooned at his treat. "Hee, HEE!! I got the cherry, I GOT THE CHERRY..."

"NO FAIR" Roshi complained, his beard clogged with 'icing.'

Kami staggered to his feet. "And now for the main event. Let's DO IT!!"

****

Old bodies formed a conga line and boned each other as they circled the room. Roshi was porked by Kami who got it from Gero who was poked by Briefs. The geezers ran in circles, faster and faster, until they yelled out...

"Ain't nothin' but an A -TRAAIIIINNNN!!!!" and collapsed on the floor in satisfaction.

The bony bodies lay in a heap.

Roshi groaned. "Party over here..."

Gero gasped. "Party over there..."

Briefs panted. "Party hardy..."

Kami wheezed. "With a tired old body..."

Roshi sat up and held a soft cock that flopped over.

"This year's it for me, boys. I barely got a squeeze out this time!"

THE END 


	4. Pass the Cheese

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) Archive? You'd better.  
warnings: I WARNED you people about this squick stuff. Now pay the penalty!

A/U

Pass The Cheese

*slap*

"OOOH!!"

*slap*

"AAAHHHH...."

*whapp!!*

"GOOD GUHH ALMIGHTY!!"

"Lick it...there. No THERE!!!"

"aaaaa...."

"Mercy, that's SOOOO long..."

"AhheeeEEE. Not so hard!!"

"Shaddup. I'm gonna poke it in."

*slurpp*

"I kinda like tasting your feet-"

"ooOOooo...chunky love. RIGHT THERE!!"

"Bang on da booty, bang dat monkey-"

"work it, work it."

"MMMmmm, oh YEAH. Gettin' GOOOOD, now!!"

*splap*

"Kinda jiggly up there."

"I'm a wide receiver, baby-"

"Smack it sugar...woo...JUNGLE LOVE."

"You so sexy when you drool..."

"C'mere. I wanna taste a wrinkle."

*smekk*

"Not bad. Almost like chicken. Now it's time to chew the fat..."

"oo, aa, oo....watch those teeth!"

" I'm gettin' there, darlin..."

"Faster-"

"Yesssssss."

"EEEooooAAAUUGHHH..."

(bed creaks, bangs wall)

"WoooWAAAwEEEEEEE!!!"

"Dat's it...Freakydeakyfreakydeakyfreakydeaky-"

"Bad to da BOOOOONNNEEEE..."

*sploosh!!*

(bed crashes, hits floor)

Silence. Neon hotel sign flashes outside window, making bedroom glow weirdly.

"Roll me a cigarette, sweetheart."

"I'd rather roll you, love. In fact I just LOVE rolls. All nice and buttered..."

*licks*

"And so creamy, too. You really made a mess this time."

"Hmmm. I thought monkeys were insatiable."

"We are, Dodoria. Besides, pink's my favorite color."

*giggles* "Oh, Goku. You're so romantic."

"Did I mention how lovely you look against orange velvet?"

"Sweety. Does Vegeta suspect anything?"

*shrug* "Nah...I just go home and get rough. You know, saiyan style.  
He loves it!"

"I know the feeling, my golden studmuffin. Massage me....I won't be able to sit for a week thanks to you!"

"Flatterer." (rolls Dodoria over)

"Back to work. Throw open those flabby legs, sweetcakes! I can't see anything, your ass is too big."

(Dodoria flops open) "Of course, cupcake."

THE END 


	5. Popo Goes Hollywood

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) Archive? You'd better.

A/U - Burn the negatives. Please...

POPO goes Hollywood

Everyone gathered at the Capsule Corporation conference room at the request of Goku. King Kai sent him a videotape outlining future enemies of earth, outlining their strengths and weaknesses. Bulma popped the tape into the machine and dimmed the lights.

Trunks nudged Goten. "Mom must think this is a movie theater."

Goten nodded, grinning. "Yeah. Too bad there's no popcorn..."

Vegeta shushed them. "Silly children. This isn't about entertainment!"

"Oh lighten up" Bulma waved her hand and took a seat.

"Let's see what our future projects are" Yamcha grinned. "I could use a good fight!"

Goku nodded, slamming his fists together. "Yeah...maybe we'll get another workout with someone like Cell!"

Piccolo stared at him. "Workout? Are you crazy?! He destroyed the world's militia and nearly blew up the earth!!"

"Yeah, but we could do that too. I'm talking about an opponent-"

"Will you guys quit talking?" Tien complained. "For Pete's sake-"

"QUIET!!" Vegeta bellowed.

Krillen pointed. "Yeah, this time I gotta agree with Vegeta. The tape's winding up..."

Master Roshi nodded. "Who knows, I may even be able to help-"

Gohan stared at him. "But Master Roshi aren't you a little...well, old?"

"I'm not too old to whip some punk butt, boy!!"

Everyone fell silent at the title on the screen...POPO'S PLEASURES. Weird guitar music sounded across a neon green background with pink letters.

"What the hell?" Tien gawked.

Goten glanced at his father. "Uh..dad? Are you sure this is the right tape?"

Goku made a face. "Ah..."

The scene played out in front of everyone. Kami putting on leather boots and a dog collar. Kami applying makeup...

"Gahh!!" Krillen gagged. "No way!"

Gohan looked at a flushed Piccolo. "Hey, I didn't know Nameks-"

Piccolo stared blankly at the screen. "Shut up, Gohan!!"

Bulma clicked her tongue. "Purple eyeshadow? That's ridiculous! He should try something more subtle, like green, with orange highlights."

Trunks dropped his jaw. "This is crazy!"

"Wow!" Goten pointed. "Look at those jeans Mr. Popo is wearing..."

Yamcha was hysterical with laughter. "Check out that ass. It looks like a balloon!"

"I'd rather not" Tien squinted in pain.

"Pathetic" Vegeta jeered.

****

The circus continued, with Goku getting angry glares from his friends.

Kami was whipping Popo and strapping him on a table. Goku leaned over and covered Goten's eyes.

"Goten, I want you to leave!"

"But dad, it's just getting really wild!"

"I don't care...you aren't looking at this!"

"For that matter, why the hell are WE looking at it?!" Krillen wanted to know.

Piccolo grimaced. "This can't be the right tape!"

Master Roshi slobbered. "Looks okay to ME!"

"Old freak" Gohan murmured.

Goku scooted Goten out and returned to his seat just in time to see the 'water fountain' maneuver.

"Cripes!" Tien covered his eyes in pain.

"Duhh...he's got THREE heads?!" Bulma stammered. "Damn, neat deal..."

Trunks grunted in disgust. "Yeah, and dragging on the floor...yuk!"

Goten peeped in the back door. "Dad, can I just-"

Goku jumped up and pointed. "OUT! IF ANYONE'S GONNA LOOK AT THESE PERVERTS, IT'S ME" he paused, realizing how his words sounded.

Trunks lifted an eyebrow.

"Uh, Popo's licking his nose...I thought only cows did that" Krillen gulped, his face pale.

"Yeah...that's almost as gross as Kami in spike heels" Yamcha gritted his teeth.

"Hn! At least he HAS a nose!" Vegeta smirked.

Piccolo pulled his turban over his eyes. "Let me know when this madness is OVER."

Krillen peered at Vegeta. "I hear Saiyans are pretty freaky. So tell me, why aren't you in this picture?"

"There's a market for bald guys in porn" Vegeta retorted. "Trolls are always in short supply-"

Krillen jumped up. "HEY-"

Master Roshi waved them to silence. "Now be sweet, boys. Can't you act more like Popo and Kami?" he pointed at the screen.

"Hell no, you old whack job!" Krillen made a slashing gesture.

The movie progressed to the part where Kami was pumping Popo from behind. Gohan sat in silence, his face white with shock.

Goku noticed, waving a hand in his face. "You okay, son?"

A pause. "I need asprin. Make it a whole bottle."

Popo exploded into pieces and Kami lighted up a roach. Tien laughed so hard he fell from his chair.

Yamcha leaned back, jaws slack in wonder. "Damn strange...I know people say they explode but not literally!"

Vegeta glared at his fellow saiyan. "Kakarot!!"

Goku shrugged innocently. "Don't look at me. I didn't make the movie-"

"You brought this abomination here in the first place!"

"Come on, Vegeta. It's got to be a comedy!"

"It's a joke, alright" Trunks winced in pain.

Tien was sore from laughter. "Kami's gonna bust a gut when he finds out we've seen this..."

"I've already busted a gut just LOOKING at it" Krillen complained.

Yamcha snickered slyly. "Yeah...Mr. Popo, prim and proper. Freak of the week is more like it!"

"Bah! If this is the guardian of earth this planet has no hope" Vegeta added.

Bulma winked at Goku. "Who's idea was this? Really?"

"Not mine!"

The blue haired beauty eyed him. "I didn't know you liked those types of flicks."

The saiyan glared at her. "Bulma, I'm telling you-"

"Has it stopped yet?" Piccolo opened an eye.

"Yeah, someone's taken mercy on us at last" Yamcha sighed in relief.

Krillen pointed at the screen. "Hey, they're smoking marijuana. Isn't that illegal?!"

Everyone stared at him.

"THE END" flashed in huge letters across the screen. More weird "head" music played, and then a picture of Kami seated at a huge desk appeared. He was smiling.

"YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHY I'VE GATHERED YOU ALL HERE TODAY. MANY ARE THE THREATS AND DANGERS THAT LOOM FOR EARTH IN THE NEAR FUTURE. HOPEFULLY AFTER REVIEWING THIS TAPE YOU WILL BE BETTER PREPARED-"

"Asshole!" Vegeta shouted.

"I HAVE FAITH AND CONFIDENCE IN ALL OF YOU. COME TO ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TO HONE YOUR ABILITIES FURTHER. IF YOU NEED ANY FURTHER ASSISTANCE, CONTACT POPO OR KAMI. THE HYPERBOLIC CHAMBER IS AVAILABLE FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS."

"What the hell is he talking about?" Tien couldn't believe his ears. "He doesn't even know what tape he's on!"

"POPO HAS PREPARED THE CHAMBER SO THAT SEVERAL OF YOU CAN TRAIN AT ONCE-"

"This is ridiculous" Trunks glanced at Gohan.

"KAMI HAS INFORMED ME THAT ONE OF EARTH'S FUTURE ENEMIES IS AHEAD OF SCHEDULE BY APPROXIMATELY ONE YEAR..."

"We are not on the same channel, people" Krillen commented.

"...AND BECAUSE OF THIS, INITIAL PREPARATIONS HAVE ALREADY BEGUN-"

"Somebody cut that crap off already!" Piccolo yelled. "This stupidity is giving me a headache!"

Goku frowned."King Kai always had a bizarre sense of humor."

"So what happened to the real tape I wonder?" Trunks asked.

Piccolo folded his arms. "Knowing King Kai's jokes, there probably isn't one...this was planned from the beginning!"

Bulma turned off the machine. "What a shame...those two old guys tried really hard to entertain us."

Tien glared at her. _Airheaded ass._

"A truly disgusting display" Vegeta commented, frowning. "Crinklecooty?!"

"Lovechunk. Cuddlewunks?" Krillen shivered.

Tien made a face. "Poopy."

Goku scratched his head. "Snucklepoo? What the hell is that?!"

Yamcha held his nose. "Purple mound of plumpness."

Gohan stuck out his tongue. "Studmuffins?"

Bulma rolled her eyes. "Lovely Pile of Fat?"

Trunks shuddered. "Bloated ass. How romantic."

"Who does their dialogue, anyway?" Krillen wanted to know. "Talk about a total grossout!"

Vegeta stood to leave. "Thank you all for a wretched afternoon!"

"What a waste of good food" Goku commented.

Gohan gawked at him. "Dad, what are you talking about?"

"Popo's an eggplant. When he exploded you'd think Kami would make a salad or goulash out of him or something. Besides, it wouldn't hurt. Popo always grows another body."

There was a resounding crash as everyone fainted...

(High above, King Kai slipped on his spandex g-string and leather hood. Popo and Kami had invited him to booty call...)

THE END??? 


	6. Popo's Pleasures

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_)

Archive? You'd better.  
Pairing Popo/Kami

A/U -

POPO's PLEASURES

Kami was elated his good friend and sometimes lover Popo invited him to a night at the Palace. It had been nearly a century since they had last 'done it' and he wondered how his stamina might hold out. Gleefully he pulled on his spiked thigh high boots and dog collar, wondering if Popo wanted it 'rough' or not. A thong stretched thinly across his wrinkled skin, emphasizing his pointy hips and hollow ass. After reviewing his appearance, he nodded in satisfaction.

_What color eye shadow to wear?_

The aged earth guardian rummaged through his makeup box, tossing items everywhere.

"Let's see...gray? No, too washed out. Red? No, too hard. Green? No, it won't show up. Ah, I have it!" he found a small dish with purple shade.

"Perfect. This color always highlights my eyes so well" he dabbed some on. Satisfied he'd done a good job he was prepared to go. Taking his oiled whip from the closet, he flew off to the palace for a night of fun.

****

Popo was waiting for him, wearing a halter top and jeans with the back out. He wore his golden turban and hoop earrings for the special occasion.

"Ah, Kami, my sweet" he mused to himself. "Tonight will be unforgettable."

The round watchman didn't have long to wait, as Kami always flew faster when horny. A knock on heavy golden doors.

Popo waved them open. "Come in, my buttercup. Savor the delights of my company!"

Kami swished in, balancing delicately on six inch heels. "Ah, my delightful Popo. So sweet of you to call!"

"You look luscious, my pet. Your skin is so dry and wrinkly. I love the way the lines form patterns."

Kami looked Popo over. "And you, my purple mound of plumpness. I never get enough of seeing your bloated ass. Come, let's celebrate this night properly!"

Popo motioned for him to follow. Down ornate marble corridors they walked, until they approached the bedroom chamber.

"I hope everything is to your liking, my crinklecooty" Popo winked.

Kami blew a kiss. "You always had a taste for decadence, my luscious lovechunk."

The old lovers climbed on a plush velvet bed of brightest red. A hot pink sheer tent insured privacy. On a small end table lay a golden tea set.

"Did you bring the whip, cuddlewunks?"

"Of course, snucklepoo. I oiled it, too!"

Popo clapped his hands together. "Oh, joy!" He kneeled on all fours, exposing his plentiful backside.

"Let's get this going, poopy."

****

CRACK!!

"Aaahhh!!"

CRACK!!

"Hell YES..."

"Beg me for more..."

"TWENTY TIMES!!"

CRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACK!!!

Popo fell forward, worn out. "Aah...that was good..."

Kami scratched his head. "Nothing came out, though..."

Popo laughed. "Oh, I forgot" he pulled out his three headed cock.

Kami grinned. "Not bad. Water fountain..."

Popo tried to get away. "No...not that...not the WATER FOUNTAIN!!"

****

Kami strapped Popo face up on a rotating table and tied the whip to his balls. Popo giggled, getting harder by the minute.

"Oh, Kami, I think you'd better hurry!"

"Quiet, you lovely pile of fat" Kami ran in circles around the table, pulling Popo's member with the whip. Seconds later a technicolor spray came from the three cockheads, making a fountain. Popo giggled in delight.

"Oh, my stuff went higher this year...It must be a new record...six feet!"

"It's hard to say since we last did it a hundred years ago. Maybe we should have written it down."

Popo climbed off the table, his cock heads dragging on the floor. "Damn gravity...I'm begining to sag."

Kami shrugged. "Age catches up with everyone."

****

The green namek couldn't believe how tight Popo's ass was. It took him half an hour to sink between the bloated mounds.

"Perhaps if you weren't so soft it would be easier" Popo grunted from underneath.

Kami panted, straining above him. "Shut up and squeal like a stuck pig!"

The old namek pounded away, his wrinkled flesh jiggling with each thrust. Popo bounced like a beach ball, his corpulent meat wagging to the beat. He licked his own nose in satisfaction.

"Oohh...ahh..yess...mmm...must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like dat!!" he screamed.

Seconds later, Popo exploded. Pieces went everywhere, except for his head which bounced on the floor. Kami collapsed in satisfaction and pulled out a roach.

The earth guardian spoke to his broken lover. "Want a puff?" he offered a toke.

Popo's head rolled back to the bed. "Sure, studmuffins. Pick me up, will you?"

Kami set Popo's head on the bed next to him and slipped the toke between his lips. Popo puffed away.

"Not bad...maybe we should go to Tijuana now...I know people there..."

Kami took his turn and lit. "Not until you grow a new body."

Popo laughed. "Of course. You know eggplants only need three weeks!"

THE END 


	7. Squick Tales

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) Archive? You'd better.  
A/U (Stupid couple series)

SQUICK WARS Goten/Master Roshi

"That was so good, buttercup."

"Yes, my pumpkin...now kiss a little lower, please."

"Ooooh....that feels so cool."

"Jello is always good...sometimes I warm honey and pour that all over-"

"Shh! You want the others in the house to hear us?"

"I'm not ashamed of our love."

"Maybe not, but if your father finds out he'll kill me!!"

"More fingers, please."

"Ugh...those are all I have! Horny freak-"

"That's why it's so good with us. And to think, no one knows..."

"Whatever. Now suck my toes...WOOAH!!"

"You deserved that..."

"What are you trying to do, imp? Bite it off? I said my toes. TOES!!"

"In a minute...glffpph..."

"OOH, AAAAH, EEEEE..."

"Glugg...almost couldn't swallow it all..."

"Greedy. Don't take too much, it's loaded with calories..."

"Maybe, but I'm a growing boy."

"Ha! Now come here...that skin is like honey."

"Sweet tooth again?"

"Hee, you know it. I like my meat tender, you know..."

"I noticed...you can't stop tasting me. Get off my butt, already!!"

"Don't think so. You're candy on a stick, and I plan to lick. Mmm..."

"AAaahhhh...."

"Slurp!"

"OOOOO!!!"

"Stop bouncing! I can't keep up..."

"You're tongue's really good there..."

"Heh, experience counts for something, boy!"

"I wouldn't think someone your age could do that...but then, you always were an exception to the rule."

"Of course."

"I prefer experienced lovers, anyway. They're so...versatile."

"Why thank you, Goten."

"You're welcome, Master Roshi."

THE END

xxxx

SQUICK WARS PT. TWO Dodoria/Goku

"Kiss me again, sweetcakes."

"Yes, my love puff...did you bring the ring?"

"Silly furball...of course I did!"

"Now promise you won't explode on me this time."

"I'll try not to...but damn, you're just so sexy!"

"It's a good thing I finally got you out of...HIS clutches!"

"Yeah, right. And into yours. Now roll over, my bloated cupcake."

"Aren't you sweet...easy with the oil!!"

"That's right, I forgot. Well at least we aren't doing it in the kitchen this time."

"We were on the stove, I think...things got a little hot..."

"Whatever. Now lick my ass...ahh...THERE!!"

"Of course, sweetykins."

"Do it right this time!!"

"Purrfect...you're so strong..."

"Shut up or I'll tie you down again and slap those fat tits!"

"OOOEEE...I love it when you talk rough..."

"There's more where that came from. Over!!"

'Splap' "Is this better, love cup?"

"Yeah...these things are getting softer every day..."

"Careful not to squeeze too hard-"

"I'll do whatever I want."

"You're so masterful."

"Quiet! When I shove it in I want you to yell like a greased pig..."

"That's what you usually call me-"

"UGHH...damn...TIGHT!!"

"AAAAH..."

"UOOO..."

"YEAH!!! Shit..."

"What's wrong, snucklepoo? That was fantastic."

"I think I burst something."

*Giggle* "I'll say...that thing's a monster."

"You like it like that."

"Barbarian...you've got me all gooey again. Now I need a bath..."

"Uh uh, bubble butt...I'm just getting started!"

"Hmpf. Do all monkeys make such a mess when they do it?"

"I'll tell you once I pop that wide ass again."

"I am your slave..."

"You know it. Now open up! I haven't got all day!"

"Goku, you're so wicked when you aren't pretending."

"What can I say, Dodoria? Besides, pink's my favorite color."

THE END

xxxx

SQUICK WARS Popo/Trunks

"DARLING!!"

"SWEETYKINS!!"

*kiss* "Missed you..."

"Let's go upstairs...I've got something special planned today."

"Oh? Caramel and hot butter?"

"Don't be silly. I've got your favorite...salad dressing!"

"OOOH..."

"Upstairs already, my pile of plumpness."

*Bounces* "Of course! I can hardly wait-"

"Wait...a lick real quick..."

"You always were insatiable."

"Hmm...not bad..."

"Race you!"

"Damn, I like watching your ass jiggle-"

"Well, everyone can't be firm..."

"GOTCHA..."

"Wait until we get in the bedroom!"

"Gonna pump this load REAL fast-"

"UUUGH..."

"AAUOOO..."

"WEEE!!!!"

"Gettin' GOOD now..."

"Ride that pony, big boy!!"

*Grunt* "Oh yeah..."

"EEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

"Whew...good stuff. I need a cigarette."

"Give me one, too. Roll the leaves!"

"Easy...remember what happened the last time."

*takes cigarette and rolls over* "Don't remind me..."

"Hard to grab this fat-"

"Oh, stop complaining and get ON with it!"

"Butter goes good with rolls..."

"Ahh...uhghh...deeper...YES!!"

"SCREEEEEAAAAMMM!!"

"Whew! Damn..." *collapses*

"Better the second time, poopy poo?"

"I'm blown...wasted..."

*Puffs cigarette*

"WAIT...don't!!"

KASHPLOOSH!!!

*wipes up mess from walls* "Asshole...now you've done it!"

"Sorry, my sweet-"

"Save it! Now I'll have to wait for your body to grow back, you idiot!"

"Well, you can make goulash salad out of me in the meantime."

"I warned you!"

"I can't help it...you know this happens when I get too excited."

"I'm sick of eggplant, Popo."

"But we're perfect for each other, Trunks...we're both purple!"

*Tastes* "Hm. Not bad, lovechunks...but you need more salt!"

THE END

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) Archive? You'd better.

SQUICK WARS Yairobe/Raditz

*Sigh*

"Hn, come here..."

"Are you crazy? For Kami's sake, give me a breather!"

"I think not. Besides, you make a good pillow..."

"And that's another thing. Get off me! I can't breathe-"

"Maybe we should get a haircut."

"Which hair? The stuff up top, or..."

"Pervert. But I like perverts...especially stinky ones."

*punch* "That's an insult!"

"No, it's a compliment. This coffee creamer is quite...delicious."

"It's my own special blend."

"Very unique. A bit on the thick side, but-"

"Would you like some...more?"

"I'll squeeze it out of you. Besides, I need a bite of cake before I go."

*Rubs sore parts* "Can you ease up on that? I'm half bitten to death!"

"Cake always goes with cream."

"Yeah, but those teeth-"

"What can I say? I like my meat."

*Thump* "Now OVER! I won't say it again..."

"Do you always have to be so ROUGH?"

"You're stubborn, love lump. Only by showing my strength will you respect me."

"Wait, EASY, go slow!!!"

*Shplup!* "I'm in...damn! Hot and TIGHT..."

"Ah...ah...aieEEEEE..."

"SNARRRLLL...."

"OOOOOO"

"GROWRRR!!"

"Holy shit!! DON'T CHANGE NOW!!"

"RAURAROOO!!!"

*Bed crashes to floor* "Ahh...uggh...can't believe...you put that up there, too..."

*Purr* "Delicious, my thick stick. I wasn't going to change-"

"You looked like it. Damn, I won't sit for a week!"

*Licks* "Hn, now for cake-" *moves lower*

"Fuzzy Freak!!"

"Nuts with my sundae..."

"EEEKKK!!"

"Tender, hn?"

"WELL YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BITE THEM SO HARD."

*slap* "I'll suck that jelly ass next-"

*slup!*

"OOAAEEUGHAAAHHHHYEEEESSSSS!!!" *bounces insanely*

"Satisfied, my blimp of delight?"

*heaves* "Ah...oh yes...are your people always this good, Raditz?"

*wicked grin* "Why saiyans are MADE for sex, Yairobe!"

THE END

xxxx Fauthor: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) Archive? You'd better.

SQUICK WARS Gohan / Fat Buu

"Hmm, not bad..."

"Did I make you happy?"

*Deep breath* "Shit yeah...you're fantastic..."

"I'm learning so many new things now that I'm different-"

"You learn fast...REAL fast. How'd you know to put your foot up-"

"A little trick I learned reading in a library. Impossible for the average person."

"Whew. I didn't even think it would fit, but DAMN it felt good..."

"You aren't just any lover, candycup. I wanted to try something unusual."

"Well, you're quite creative. Of course, I can think up stuff, too."

"Snicker* "Oh, you mean like the time you rubbed butter up my crack-"

"Don't forget the nipple clamps."

"HEE...those tickled. You know my body's sensitive!"

"That's because it's so soft."

"BUT I THOUGHT YOU LIKED IT!!"

"You're too touchy, creampuff. Didn't I taste you with the whipped topping?"

"Well yes, but-"

"And then whip you senseless with licorice?"

*Smacks lips* "Made a tasty mess, I think..."

"You really squealed...the neighbors thought I was attacking a cat!"

"Can I help it if my voice has a certain pitch?!!"

*Pats gently* "Now there you go, getting upset again cuddlewunks."

*Sniff* "Kiss me on the ass and make it all better..."

"Hmm, you've got an awful lot back there..."

*Kisses* "Better?"

"Hee, hoo, haa...oh yes!"

*Slap* "Now get down on all fours!"

"Yes, my pet."

"And don't flop this time! Drag that belly on the floor..."

"It drags anyway. You know its hard for me to open up!"

"Tell me about it..."

"Ugh...its hard separating my thighs."

"Looks like I'll need the pliers again."

"UGGGH....AAUII....WHEE OOO!"

"Now at least I can find everything..."

"Hurry up!! I'm about to burst-"

*Shlup* "Aaah...kinda cool this time."

"I put ice up there."

"Not baaaaddd...."

*Rocks the house* "EEAHHOOOOUAHGGGGIIII!!!"

*Plop over in a heap* "That's enough for today, sweetpea..."

*Rolls over* "Oh, I love it when you look wild, sugarchips."

*slight growl* "You always say that, honeybutt..."

"It's true...your hair is so pretty and thick. But I wish you'd let it grow, Gohan."

"Anything for you, Buu."

THE END xxxx

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) Archive? You'd better.  
SQUICK WARS Vegeta/Chaotzu

*Splup*

"AAAhh..."

*Thwep flupp*

"OOO"

*Rubs backside against walls, chairs, tables* "Kami take it!!!"

/Hee hee, I'm not done.../

"You WRETCH! AAIIIIEEE..."

/Up and up I go.../

"YAHHHH!!"

/Where I stop, no one knows.../

*Bounces like pinball off floor and ceiling*

"AAAAAAAAA-"

/Pop goes the weasel!!/

*Splatters everywhere, collapses in heap.*

"Kami, that was UNBELIEVABLE!!!"

/Can I come out now?/

"Ah...ugh...you no good shrimp..."

/But you love me./

"Hn, well enough." *Reaches behind self and pulls*

'SHPLOP'

*Towells off* "Now see, wasn't that fun, sweetiepie?"

*Slow grin while staring at ceiling* "I must say that was REALLY different. Satisfying!"

*Climbs on chiseled stomach* "I always aim to please, buffykins."

"Oh you do, my sweet little one. Very much!"

*Cuddle together on floor* "I love you so much...besides, you never minded my height!"

"So what if you're short?" *points* "You're long where it counts!"

*Kiss* "Love me forever, crush me in your strength!!"

*Gentle laugh* "You might crack. I'd never hurt my joystick!"

*Giggle* "They're so jealous of us, Vegeta!"

"They can drop dead for all I care, Chaotzu."

THE END

xxxx

author: FireCracker (Italic copy bordered by_underscore_) Archive? You'd better.

SQUICK WARS Zarbon/Kami

*Slurpp*

*Splapp*

*Skwupp*

"OOO, AAA, OOOO..."

"Like that, freak?"

"Ah, oh yes...lick me there again!!"

"I'd bite if I could-"

"I LOVE IT WHEN YOU BITE. THOSE GUMS FEEL REALLY GOOD!"

*Slap*

"OOGH!!"

"Into pain, eh? I've got more for you, punk..."

"Come closer, sweet. I'll kiss your shiny boots..."

"Ai, wretch. DOWN!!"

*Slap*

"Mmm...oil, master?"

*Evil grin* "Yes...a moment while I soak this whip-"

*Lashes, squeals*

"EEE, OOO, AIEE, AAAHHH-"

*Bounces on top with riding crop* "WOOO, AKKK!!!"

"SPLOOOP!!!"

*Collapse*

"That was good, pet, but we're all messy...and you know I HATE being messy."

"Such a vain candyass. What am I to do with you?"

*Rubs welts on backside* "You've done enough for one day, wretched cooty."

*Strains to rise* "Ugh...our stuff's thicker than glue...can't move"  
*falls on top again*

"Pathetic..."

"Don't be so hard on me, dumpling. Didn't I whip you senseless?"

"Aye, but..."

"No buts. Besides, you love me best."

*Kiss* "That I do, you old fossil. Now roll over while I crack your back."

"Like this?" *flops on stomach*

"Quiet!" *walks on back, cracking it*

"Oooo, that's gooooood-"

"That's it, you ancient crone. Behave and I'll nibble your wrinkles later."

"OOO. Mercy!"

*Lifts loose skin with teeth* "Nmfth...tasty!"

*Blissfull sigh* "You always had delicious lips, Zarbon."

"So I've been told, Kami...so I've been told!"

THE END 


End file.
